


Good boy

by HPFandom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Drama, Explicit Language, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Parody, Romance, Self-Harm, Sexual Content, Slash sex, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-01-14
Updated: 2008-01-14
Packaged: 2018-10-01 04:33:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10180817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HPFandom_archivist/pseuds/HPFandom_archivist
Summary: What happens when Harry Potter, is not that boy that wants love, but seeks hate? What happens when he has to figure out he was mistreated? That hurting yourself and someone else hurting you is not right, what happens when Harry Potter realize that he didn't hate Severus Snape, but loved him? What happens when Harry realize that he needs help, but the only way to get it is Severus?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from SeparatriX, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [HP Fandom](http://fanlore.org/wiki/HP_Fandom_\(archive\)), which was closed for health and financial reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [HP Fandom collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hpfandom/profile).

I’ve noticed something odd about Potter, when he is around others, he is tense, but around me, he was slightly relaxed, but yet not, I do not know what to say about this, and do not know why, but I will find out, because I’m not the man everyone likes, I’m that one everyone has to watch their back on. I will get to the bottom of this.

He’s watching me again, does he know that his cheek twitches when he’s slightly mad, that’s when I know to shut up, or make myself invisible. Either one, he wants me to be good, and get out of his life, I plan too, after I’m done with Hogwarts, only got this year left, then I’ll be good, and I can go hide from everyone, and it wont hurt anymore, but I think I might find someone to make me feel comfortable, nothing to stay forever, cause I don’t think I could take it, but I know I’ll need that someone in the future.

He’s looking down, and I think it has to do with me looking at him, does he know that his eyes sparkle in the dark of night? That’s when I know something big is going on inside his head, I would like to know what he thinks, because I know that he is a master mind. He’s got that thoughtful look again, like he’s planning for something, but I know it’s not troublesome, he’s not a trouble maker, he’s a good boy, almost man, it still amazes me when I look at Potter, and I see someone totally different from what I thought would become of Potter, but then, when you don’t grow up with your true family, you tend to not be as everyone expects them to be, for he is not to me, I thought I was going to see a bully, a jerk, another James Potter, but no, what I see is a calm silent teenager, with a temper that could use some controlling, green eyes that aren’t quite like Lily’s, black hair that matches his father, a trust that can’t be easily set, and a determined teen to prove the world he’s just Harry, not The Boy Who Lived, not The Golden Boy, not nothing but that simple teen, Harry, the one that likes about everything every other boys like, not the one that has a crazed lunatic after them, and a godfather that got killed by a curtain, or friends with a werewolf, no, just Harry.

He’s studying me, I must confess, I like that he looks at me so intently, means that he thinks something up of me, maybe that I’m okay? Or I’m a good boy. I hope so, I want to be a good boy for him, cause I’ve always wanted to please him, weather it be screaming at me, or taking away points, or giving me a detention, maybe one day he’ll hit me, tell me that I’m worthless, that I’m a disgrace to him, or better yet, that he couldn’t believe that someone like Lily Potter could create something as vile as me, that is one of my big wishes, that he’ll tell me that, that would be great, it would make my day greatly. I wish he would hit me too, I know he wanted to when I was little, and probably still does, but Hogwarts does not allow students to be hit by teachers, I think it unfair, when someone wants to hurt someone else, and they don’t get too, I can understand a bit, but I would gladly take the hitting from others, because that’s what I’m here for, oh, and also killing Voldemort.  
I have to go to class now, he’s walking away, I wish I could sneak off with him, and be shackled to the wall like uncle Vernon does and be beaten repeatedly.

Potter looks up at me while I walk away, he looks sad, like he wants me to do something, but what? I guess I will never know, but I know that will never keep me from wondering.

 

I’m fighting Voldemort, he’s pretty strong, fuck I’ve just been hit by a dark curse, it’s making me bleed, that’s okay, I’m fine, it hurts, but that’s good, my uncle Vernon told me the best thing for a freak like me is to feel pain, I believe my uncle Vernon, in fact, I cut my wrist and fall down stairs purposely, but not in front of anybody, cause my uncle Vernon says that no one knows what’s best for me, so they would think it wrong that I would do these things. Voldemort is laughing at me, I don’t know why, but it hurts my feelings, I’ll have to cut myself extra deep for that, I’m not suppose be hurt cause of my feelings. Were battling against each other now, no more people in the way, he’s giving me a glare, one that is full of hate and murder, I love it, but mask it, I’m not suppose to enjoy it, but I do, my uncle say that I should not feel happy, I should always feel pain, I plan to when I graduate from Hogwarts, cause then I can burn myself cooking like I cant do here, I can cut myself, and maybe even take pills that my uncle makes me take.   
We have dueled what seems like for hours, but finally, Voldemort falls from the pain, how sad, I’m even stronger then that, I would never fall because of all the pain, I feel anger stir in my blood, and look down at him, and tell him how he could not take pain like I could, I was great at taking pain While Voldemort fell because of it. What a shame.

It’s been a few hours since the defeat of Voldemort, and still something nags me, like there is still something wrong, so I take a stroll, when in reality, I’m looking for the wrongness, and when I finally found it, I couldn’t be more surprised. It was Potter, but at the time I didn’t know this is where the wrongness was, because Potter had his back turned towards me, I ask him what he’s doing gruffly, when in turn I got a gasp of surprise being caught, and everything in his body stiffening, and I knew he was doing something that he didn’t want to be caught doing. I told him to turn around and no foolishness, when Potter did turn, he had something grasped in his hand and was holding his other arm against his chest, the inside of his arm being hidden from my view, I tell him to give me what’s in his hand, and put his arms down, Potter puts his arms down fast, not letting me see what he was hiding, when I had a sick clue, we stood there silent there for a moment, then Potter was slowly walking to me, and besides his silent footsteps, I hear a drip, like someone didn’t shut water all the way off, and it dripped, I looked at his left arm, and that’s when I saw the steady trail following Potter, and grew angry, the boy was still hurt and he was trying to take of it himself I grab his right wrist and force his hand open, and what I suspect to be a healing devise of some kind, was actually a cutters knife, one that carpenters used, with Potter’s blood on it, in fact the whole blade was covered in it, I stare down at my left hand in horror, and realize there was blood dripping onto it, and I glance slightly up to see that Potter’s wrist is still in my grasp, and it’s his blood dripping onto the blade, he had cut himself from holding it so hard. I asked him what this was, and he simply said punishment, and I wanted to gag right there, this was not punishment, this was a sick torture of some kind. I quickly rip some of my clothing and grab his other arm and gasp at the deep cut, while bandaging it. I couldn’t believe he did this, was his life this pathetic that he would stoop to this, and narrow my eyes when I see many more cuts, all self inflicted.

He is surprised, wonder why, maybe it’s because I cut so deeply and he’s proud that I would go that far, I hope, I’ve just wanted to please him, my head feels dizzy, I don’t think I’m this used to losing this blood, all with Voldemort and this, and think I should have done this tomorrow, but no, I must punish myself. It is the right thing to do.

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, but then, in what seemed at a slow pace, Potter fainted, he got a look on his face as if he couldn’t believe he was fainting, like it was the first time ever, but surely it wasn’t, from all the cuts he must have fainted quite a few times, but what was surprised me most was the look of hope in his eyes, as if there was something to achieve in this.

I woke in the infirmary, and everyone was fussing off to the side of me, no one knew that I was awake, but I could barely hear them, they were arguing about me, and how I needed help. I needed help? They must be mistaken. I decided to tell them that I was quite okay.

I was arguing with everyone, no one believed that he would have been doing this for years as Poppy pointed out, but I knew that he had been, I wanted to argue with them more about how we should send him some where to get help, but then Potter spoke, softly, telling us he was okay, and that there was nothing wrong with him. I for some odd reason saw red, what did he mean that he was okay?! He wasn’t okay, he was far from it! I grabbed his arm and showed where the scars could be visible, and asked him how he was okay if he had this. For some reason, he yanked hard against me, with sorrow in his eyes, as if I had done the wrongest thing in the world, but I knew that I was doing a good deed, I remember hearing something about how people somehow were hurt when someone important pointed out their problem, like they wanted them to be proud. I backed up a bit, did Potter considered me someone important? Did he think what he did was right? That, that is what he deserved. I spoke to him then, asking him if he hoped I would be proud of what he did.

He asked me if I wanted him to be proud of what I did, well of course I wanted him to be proud! I nodded my head, and let the tears fall at what I saw in his eyes, sorrow, for me. I wanted to run away, he wasn’t looking at me like I wanted him too! He wasn’t looking at me in hate! Why? Did I do something wrong? I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry......I’m sorry. I threw off the covers and raced of the infirmary, knowing that I couldn’t deal with that, he didn’t like me anymore! He didn’t hate me anymore! He was sorry for me! No! I sobbed with all I was worth, he made me feel safe, and I had to cut myself and get caught! Now he was disgusted with me, my tear flowed as I ran, ran far away from it all, why, why did this have to happen to me? Why couldn’t I be a good boy?


End file.
